Low

This weekend has been the best weekend I’ve had in over a year in terms of how I felt about myself and the people I spent it with, but when I really think about it, it’s been the best weekend I’ve ever had because these feelings were real and not conflicted in any way. The love was real for everyone and the love was reciprocated – that was the difference. For the first time, I felt like a man (whatever that actually means) or maybe I just felt really confident and responsible, like I had some kind of place in society without feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere.Either way, it was an amazing feeling and hopefully something I can carry forward but the first real test came earlier today when I had to leave someone behind that I love more than anything, even music (yes, EVEN music). Coupled with a financial problem I’m currently facing, this has left me feeling pretty low. It’s not a serious problem but it’s something I can do without, as I hate money at the best of times, especially when it is needed the most and you don’t have it. I wish the love of money didn’t rule people. It’s not the physical representations that cause the issues – after all, it’s just metal, plastic and paper – it’s the perception of what is worth the value you give it. Too much emphasis on profit and not enough on the quality of service.

Sorry, I’m making this primarily about the money and it isn’t. I’m just feeling really shitty cos I miss my girlfriend and I’m bloody broke.